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그렇게 죽을것 같고 아팠던 시간들, 보고싶어 잠 못자던 날들, 다른 여자 생긴 꼴 보게 되면 어쩌나 부들부들 떨었던 그 모든 순간들 이제 안뇽..

English version later because im still in bed and writing this in between awake and asleep ..

**Adding English version same day 11:25 p.m

I was in my bed, Saturday early morning, was thinking about my ex as usual. It has been a year since we broke up but I still am thinking about my ex all-the-time.

When I was just dumped, It was like 24/7 nonstop to think of him(or the moment we spent time together), It then became half, now then quarter of it yet can’t get rid of 100%.. like While I’m eating, While I’m brushing my teeth, While I’m smoking, While I’m driving, While I’m …

I was sad, angry, then sad again, angry, missing him then sad AGAIN for so many days. Every my friends told me that “Time heals everything” while I was crying in front of them, was depressed and desperate. I just couldn’t be bothered to listen what they’re trying to say., Hey he dumped me and I still love him. My world has ended and you’re trotting out the old cliché “time does heal” ?????!!!!! 🙁

Sometimes, I even wished he was dead. So no one can be with Him if I can’t be with him. I just couldn’t accept the fact that He doesn’t love me any more. BUT.

I can’t recall it… from when… because it’s been happening very very slowly, and gradually. Somehow, really! It’s been less and less to think of him. Really. sorry if I’m saying “really” too much.. but really. This morning I wasn’t even sad or upset or miss him even though I tried to remember his face, body, or some shit whatever! (I don’t know but it was about definitely him like a daily routine) I didn’t try many things to get over him, though. Does time really fix everything?

Maybe It’s with me until I’m dead.. Like the wound on my left ankle. Looks ugly AF, That’s still fine, as long as it doesn’t hurt, bother, or irritate me. The time that I was with him is also part of my life whether it’s happy ending or trash can. I’m more than happy now if I can accept the reality that we are not together anymore. My world has not ended yet because of him.. I wouldn’t say I got over him 100% but I’m sure that now I am OK anyhow. …

Writing sucks

 

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