Sunday! my favourite day amongst 7days, you don’t have to do anything because it’s Sunday. As long as there’s no wedding, bday such things.. If I have a chance to get a dog here I’d call it ‘Sunday‘. I had a dog here, I still have one in Korea (He lives with my mum)
miss him soooo sooooooo much more than anyone else
When your dog wears your work wig..
Such a high-tech-dog
Such an artsy-resting dog
He’s super cute when I trim his hair, It’s 엉망진창 that’s why it’s super cute❤️
I and him are having happy Sunday❤️ (maybe not Sunday)
The Australia one that I live with for short time,
He was …. super active… like super…. hyper… like me x1000 hyper…
His name was ‘cake‘. I didn’t like its name soon later because
1. Cake sounds too feminine.
…when someone asked me a name of him, I was “his name is Cake” and they were like “Kate? that’s very… not suitable name of this mischief one”
Cake was, mischief itself indeed… He destroyed many of electronic stuffs, my makeup tools, sometimes my bra..
but anyway, importance of name!
It’s one of my favourite poem
내가 그의 이름을 불러 주기 전에는
하나의 몸짓에 지나지 않았다.
내가 그의 이름을 불러 주었을 때,
그는 나에게로 와서
내가 그의 이름을 불러준 것처럼
나의 이 빛깔과 향기(香氣)에 알맞은
누가 나의 이름을 불러다오.
그에게로 가서 나도
그의 꽃이 되고 싶다.
무엇이 되고 싶다.
너는 나에게 나는 너에게
잊혀지지 않는 하나의 눈짓이 (or: 의미가) 되고 싶다.
I know, you guys are like
Ok.. I brought English version of it. 😉 it’s sad because translated version is always, not 100% like a original. anyway, you guys all know that I assume.
Flower (Kevin O’Rourke)
a mere sign,
till I named you.
But when I called you by name,
you came to me:
you became a flower.
I want someone,
my match in tone and scent,
would call my name
as I called yours.
I will go to that person,
I will be that person’s flower.
To be is the supreme human need:
you for me, me for you;
to be something meaningful,
ref : http://www.mindup.net/bbs/view.php?id=e_free&page=20&sn1=&divpage=1&sn=off&ss=on&sc=on&select_arrange=headnum&desc=asc&no=1098
to sum up, (VERY SHORTLY) I can become ‘something’ by someone who names me. Many people asked me that whether I prefer to be called as Jerry, Chelsea or Xmas. and always my answer is, “up to you.”
Yah, What’s big deal? since I used so many working names in Australia. You could think “oh, but Jerry was your work name” Yes, It was my work name, but everyone calls me as Jerry anyway at work, include My boss. I do, think that I prefer to be called as Chelsea sometimes, because I know now Jerry is very guy’s name LOL and I want to write as Me not as Jerry.. I don’t think I’m explaining very well but please understand me. I’ll send telepathy to all of you.
Have you guys watched 500 day’s summer?
Yah this movie. She once said
I don’t feel comfortable being someone’s something
and I was like WTH? how come? I was the one who thinks opposite. I always wanted to be someone’s something, wanted to be loved (to be called) ALL THE TIME
“I wanted to be loved ALL THE TIME.”
Now, if I have been changed little bit, little tiny bit, as if I learn a bit from past, I don’t think name is that important. I’m fine if someone calls me “ya“, “hey” or “Beautiful” ㅋ because I already know that I’m “me” not Jerry because someone calls me Jerry, or Chelsea (but it sounds pretty cute isn’t it? call me Chelsea then) or Xmas ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ
but it is important naming dog. So next time, if I ever have a chance…. that dog name will be “Sunday” ㅋㅋ it sounds similar to “sundae”… ha… chocolate fudge sundae….. …
I’m missing my old days again, I normally wake up same time, sometimes earlier than that on Sunday because you can have a nap anyway later.
Saturday, sex until late, wake up and sex again, then you are starving, grocery shopping … and cooking/eating. and sex, again. like there’s no tomorrow and fuck it’s already dark outside 😞 You can go out, date, activities when It’s Saturday, but Sunday for me was like “yahhhhh sex!!!!! and sex, and more sex!!!!” maybe because I am horny. I haven’t had sex for awhile again, I’m independent strong pussy which is the most fertile in its lifespan. (according to its age) so.. what’s wrong being horny, It’s like drug withdrawal. You know how good it is… it’s better if you never know that feeling. but people, I KNOW WELL, right? However, I am being very careful, looking for a right time and person so I don’t make another mistake, like just before.
On Tuesday I had a big mental collapse again because I was playing victim. I..I really hate someone acts like they are victim. but I was doing that and I I I just couldn’t put up myself and started blame someone who gave me so much pressure 😞 (logically he never, but I am victim in my world)
So I fucked another one, and He couldn’t cum. Did he? finally He did, I think but after like 2 hours jerking off himself I guess, so It wasn’t that good sex, because what’s the point If I’m the one who enjoys. Sex is much fun when both side have happy-ending-ish moment. It’s lucky that you have a partner who can cum at the same time, I haven’t done it yet since not many people cum inside of me. It’s either
- I’m about to cum so the opponent keep pounding/grinding it to gives me the best moment, or
- The opponent is about to cum so he pulls out.
anyway He said He is a ‘giver’ so for him, it’s fun when he sees the girl is enjoying. Well, Ok, I accept your excuse. but WHY
Why after all I feel like, He doesn’t contact me as much as before we had sex, He doesn’t sound so sweet like before, He doesn’t seem to be bothered to see me, at last, He is ignoring my messages…. … …because He didn’t like the sex.
I know.. right, I’m a bit psycho. I need to confess.😞 I’m maybe cute because I’m cute but once someone realises how needy I am, how I think dichotomously, and How I’m fucked from past they’d freak out and I’ll be abandoned again.
I was crying like a whale, runny nose like waterfall ㅋㅋㅋ spent whole box of tissue and told him to off, before we didn’t even start. because I’m still fucked, not ready to meet someone new because I am still 아슬아슬 위태하고 불완전하고 누군가 마음을 열면 그대로 거기 기대고 의지하고 싶고 누군가 나를 전적으로 응원해주고 서포트 해줄사람을 찾고있는거였어요 누군가 나를 rescue 해줬으면 좋겠다고 생각하는거였어요. 사랑이 뭐에요? 저는 그냥.. 맛있는 음식을 나눠먹고, 하루 일과가 끝나고 재밌었던 일들 힘들었던 일들 얘기 하면서 그래 오늘도 수고했어.. 그런거 말하는 사이.. 그런거 사랑 아닌가? 제가 그랬어요 저는. 길거리에 버려진 주인 잃은 유기견 같다고.. 조금만 나한테 관심을 가져주는 사람이 오면.. 살랑 살랑 꼬리를 흔들고 따라갈거라고 나중에 저를 때려서 죽일수도, 아니면 더 비참하게 죽일수도 있는 사람인데 그런거 묻지도 따지지도 않고 따라갈거라고 지금 행복하니까. 내 옆에 누군가가 있다는 것만으로도 너무 벅차고 행복하니까 ㅜㅜ 왜 이렇게까지 비참하게 됐나요 제 인생 ㅎㅎ 한창 예쁘고 재밌을 나이에 왜 이렇게 아프고 힘든가요. 미모에 물이 올랐긴 합니다만.. 껄껄껄 “2017, 첼시의리즈시절” 다들 이러고 사는거겠죠? …
I don’t know why I’m crying again from what I’m writing but yes, Tuesday was just disaster.
I don’t even know what I just wrote because I was crying and writing at the same time, but yah, when I wake up tomorrow (21/08/17) I’ll edit it or leave it whatever I’ll fix it, I need to stop here RIGHT NOW, I don’t want to go work with sausage eyelids 😞
I think I fell asleep about 2-3ish, was trying to cook some chicken and seasoned it but when after few minutes I had brie cheese, strawberry and roasted nuts for snack so I wasn’t that hungry so then I had a nap as I wish. dreamt about train accident, someone brought bomb and I found it but it was too late. Sad, many people dead or injured. It was train to Seoul and I surprised how high technology world I am living, Sydney to Seoul by train.. What the fuck. only in Chelsea’s dream. 😞
Trying to get back fit, like January this year. I was 49kg so it’s more likely skinny, than fit but still, I don’t know from when I started eat all these sugary foods (probably from when I was little ㅋ) because no one warned me like now.
Apparently more than 5-6 people a day, seriously tell me to cut sugar because they are really worry about me having diabetes, another tooth decay, and other health problems. Thanks for that, now I’m trying, at least TRYING! like seriously, how people around me, in my life time, they never warn me but were kept buying me a sweets? they wanted to kill me or what? I don’t understand. I’m furious now 😞 like all of my ex bought me a sweets alot because they know I like it. My mum and dad of course, colleagues, clients, they all tried to kill me? 😞
One of you bought me a ribs last night, because he was worrying that I don’t have any protein!!! but sugary food!! how nice of him!!!!!! I forgot to give him a very loud cheek kiss (everyone said their ear hurts, because it’s so loud) so next time, definitely… When we have a mango pancake..next time…❤️❤️❤️ I’m wet…..ha….. mango pancakes… ,.,,.. ..
I made chicken tits cooking video today but don’t feel like upload now since I had another tears blast just before… but If you ask me that I’m depressed now? no, definitely not. I’m just exhausted from brain overload ㅋㅋㅋ I wanted to write in English exactly what I felt but failed because it’s overloaded. as usual..lol
so, it’s 11:50pm now, I had a great Sunday! I started 100 burpees a day for 100 days
and it’s second day today.
Many of you asked me what shoes I’m wearing in this video though, It’s socks. I took my shoes off when I did burpees because you know… when you jump.. you don’t even want your hair because it makes your body weight heavier ㅋㅋㅋ
so I probably need to start now. thank you all for reading always~~ ~~ love~~❤️