I am back shortly! recently I found a really nice thing, it’s not high technology, it’s very easy and everyone can do.
How to : Once you have a shower before bed, you wear a perfume. next morning when you wake up, you smell soooo good. perfume+your own flesh scent made awesome combination so you can wake up with refreshing as fuck feeling.
I have been thinking that why it makes me feel so so so so sooooo good… and just before when I had shower I realised because it smells like my mum
maybe I miss my mum
Today afternoon I was so upset because I felt I was deceived by someone who I thought genuine. One of my favourite girl, Ok.. everyone will guess who’s who so It’s Victoria ㅋㅋ
Victoria 언니 is, feminine, attentive, careful, mature, calm, elegant and Pretty 언니. I don’t have many WL friends who personally keeps in touch with me regularly, One is Summer (she formerly worked at 42gladesville) but her work style is just meh, I kept telling her if you have to do something you better be the best, at least you try to be the best, but SHE NO LISTEN. Victoria, on the other hand, She was the best in Korea, I could affectedly say She’s the one of the best girl in Sydney. Once She moved to other shop (that keeps poaching my girls) because her personal reason, She said,
“Jerry, Sorry, I want to work with you but I’m leaving, I am really appreciated your all effort. thank you and sorry. Please forgive me.”
This 언니 is the first 언니 who explains why she gonna leave and say sorry and thank me. Working ladies and shops are not in signed contract. They leave, they leave. They come, they come. Most of girls move here to another and another to here because they need to make money as much as possible. Once they think they don’t make enough money in certain shop they then move, of course, It’s understandable. I did that too.
So when she told me that I felt sorry and gratitude at the same time, sorry I couldn’t make you more money, thank you for your honesty. After that we still sometimes catch up and chill, lunch etc.. and She was back to us for awhile, and She left again. She said She needs a holiday so I was like OK, and I found her picture on other shop’s website.
Why 😞 I thought you are different.
I was upset until I had a chicken tits that I made last night. (and I forgot to eat for lunch)
I never thought that this gonna be de-li-ci-ou-s. I seasoned with some MSG stuffs from nandos, but I tried already many different way to cook chicken tits so I knew it’s not gonna make huge difference. Chicken tit’s problem is not only its taste, but also its texture. Cooked chicken tits texture is like wet toilet paper, or chopped and agglomerated rubber.
I didn’t expect at all. so I didn’t disappointed but more likely relieved because it went to bad. it smelled already bad. So I didn’t have to finish it.
I was upset because I expect to be honest all the time, to Victoria 언니. She doesn’t have to be honest, or nice to me Because I liked her and I was nice to her, If I liked her as herself I wouldn’t mind if She moves shop, or going to interstate, I’d wish her good luck because I really wish. I was upset because I expected she’s being honest as I am honest to her but What if I didn’t expect that? I wouldn’t be this much upset.
One of my best friend, I and him met few years ago when I worked at woolloomooloo as working lady and customer. He is generous, funny and big spender. I’d say big waster. He gives money to girls, It’s not a big money but to everyone. $50, $100 each time, very often to EVERY SINGLE GIRLS. (He’s punting career is more than 10 years, and He pretty much knows every Korean working girls in Sydney.) I kept telling him that he spoils girls so girls will keep ask him money, He once told me that He doesn’t mind to do it because It’s his will. Girls lie. “I don’t have money to buy food.” or “I don’t have money to pay rent.” When he showed me his phone I was shocked because so many girls just ask money to him without any pang[pricks, qualms, stings] of conscience! and surprisingly, He happy to pay all.
If I were him? Hell no? He is a doctor, so he can afford it maybe, but If I was a doctor so I have too much money, maybe way more than enough for living, still can I do like him? just “giving” without expect anything? … *He really does not expect anything from girls when He gives away his money*
I am too greedy. Expectation is always too high. “I do this much, so you need to do this much, at least, thank me!”, or “How can you not know this? you are independent adult and still don’t know this stuff?” because I expect people know things same as I know. They probably don’t know some stuffs, because they were never interested, or They just don’t know! like I don’t know some stuff still! what’s life? I’m greedy as well as selfish, my standard is always “ME” so If someone, Let’s say Bruce (worked at no.5 shortly, like a month) Bruce didn’t know many stuff when He worked there. He said He has work experience in Korea and also said no problem with English but It was problem apparently. I treat him so bitch and finally He got sacked. (it’s not only because of me but lots of complain from others ok 😞) If I didn’t expect much to him, would I have been still so bitch to him? or I try my best to teach him so he could be better?
It also applies to relationship. Why I was always upset with my past relationships? Because I always expected same amount of love that I give to them. so… example
I give you 350g of love, you also must give me 350g.
=I send 3 messages today so you need to reply 3 messages or more.
=I spend some time to meet you tonight so tomorrow you need to spend some time for me.
There’s no way to measure love. I often misapprehended
- How much he/she spend their time
- How much he/she spend their money
Therefore How much he/she can scarify their property (Money and time) is great way to weigh amount of love, though
Then at last what I’m getting is still lacking. I felt something is missing or not enough because I tend to expect more and more, by time goes. Because I love them more and more, by the time, that doesn’t mean they MUST love me more than before. If they wanted to spend time with me more in past, and now I’m the one who is looking for the time we spend together, I was SO SO SO upset because I felt like everything will be faded. It seemed they will leave me eventually because it has been already moving away.
Did I tell you guys about one of my problem, ‘binary thinking’ ? I don’t know why, However there are always only 2 options in every categories in my life. World is 2 different parts.
There are 2 types of man. The one who punts, the other who never punt.
There are 2 types of girl. The one who works as WL, the other who never.
There are 2 types of guy. The one who loves me, The one who doesn’t love me.
There are 2 types of people. The one I love, The one I hate.
If someone, who loved me so much in past, doesn’t love me as much as before means nothing. He maybe is busy, He maybe is tired, maybe He really is less interested in me (nothing I can do about it). I don’t have to think as,
“OH HE DOESN’T LOVE ME ANYMORE, I’M GONNA KILL HIM AND KILL MYSELF”
Whenever I go mad like this, all my exs were like
Yahhhhh I need to admit now, that I made my exs sick. ㅋㅋㅋ Like my last ex told me that I made him ill. (sorry I think I’m saying this hundreds times, but it was too shocking to be told.)
So, What’s the point? What I got from my rotten chicken tits?
If my high expectation(or standard) leads to high disappointment, vice versa, what about I don’t expect anything but just be nice because I like, or I love them(or it)? the less expectation, the less I disappointed.. doesn’t it make sense? at least for me it does.
It might hard to practice, that I expect 0. because you know.. little hope is always get me excited.. it turns me on..
I mean, If there’s 0 expectation, If life is like NO-FAIRY-TALE-ALLOWED life, then what’s the meaning of life? You anyway will die one day, like I posted last night (it was half sleep half awake) https://chelseastayshealthy.com/2017/08/22/they-celebrate-and-they-grief/
So What’s fun if you don’t expect anything about your life, Isn’t it same as tree then you just stay there and do nothing about it, but just alive. For me I strongly believe that I will eventually find my great love, and will be together until I die first or later than him.
Maybe this my life goal made me little ill and being psychotic but well at least I know now how I could handle this better, at least how to being less-psycho ㅋ!!!
Once I asked people how to be a great woman, but it works to both sex, woman and man thus, Human. How to be a great human.
- be nice
- be honest
- stop posting nude on the internet
and after chicken tits It’s more likely
- be nice and don’t expect from them to be nice.
- be honest and same thing, don’t expect them to be honest. if you are honest to everyone and to yourself as well, that’s enough. In-teg-rity (new word that I learnt recently ㅋㅋㅋ)
- stop posting nude on the internet
I want to do this too very often but I eat ice cream and snap nudes instead