AR for Stone dildo, Laid D-1

Where do I start.. it began from probably bongkong’s comment.

“I fall in love with myself each time i fap”

Then I thought.. how can you love yourself when you fab? I can’t think of any, other than self-loathing or self-deprecating. But if someone fall in love with themselves when they fap fap… why not try? I already have the lowest self-esteem so it might give me a chance to recover it up. So I picked up the Laid D-1.
First.. I need to heat it up because it’s stone-made.
KakaoTalk_Photo_2017-09-07-02-19-03

How it works : For anyone who’s curious

So I heat it up water.. I don’t have kettle, I don’t have large pot all I have is one cereal bowl and microwave. I pour some tap water, set timer 3mins.. not too hot, not too cold.. 3 minutes would be ok, microwave can even cook noodles within 2 minutes and I don’t want to blow whole my unit from microwave dildo itself, so tomorrow morning I’ll be in Sydney morning herald, says Dildo-microwave-Korean tried to blow up her unit or something.. so I heat water up only 3 minutes.

I never used it again once I got serious discharge after I used this, I thought I’m like tofu machine, I made so many tofu from my vagina.. oh well it’s like cottage cheese if there’s someone who doesn’t know what tofu is.. cottage cheese looks more similar than tofu fyi.
Guess it was candida, It wasn’t itch or burning but from the shape of discharges.. took anti biotic few times and it has gone like nothing happened. It might be not from this black shiny stone maybe just my immune system broken down, but I got that after I used this dildo. so It’s a bit traumatic. What if I am sick again so I can’t have sex tomorrow if I ever get chance? you never know what’s going to happen tomorrow right.. maybe hot wet sex! perhaps not though.
While water is warming itself I think about vitamin.. who bought this dildo to me.. smart ass.. who educated me black tea’s history while I was sucking hard gong-cha and Einstein’s when I was shoving up 순두부.. Nelson mandela.. when we just walked around Marrickville but I knew who is Nelson Mandela.. The one that inspires me as fuck like .. dead lift 150kg..  When I asked him
“What you gonna do with that strong hamstring and ass? don’t you think it’s a bit waste to do .. 150-180kg for you, you are not Mr olympia you know”
He said he gonna pound me like hammer.. drill.. with that tight ass…! lean hamstring.. gonna be real strong hammer and drill.. with his soft 17cm dick.. From just imagining it.. I got wet.. fuck it’s gonna be fun!!!!.. but then He rejected me so bad. Like never gave me a little tiny hope.. almost killed my any expectation so I can’t expect at all.. bitch.. I love you.. but I hate you but I’m your big fan..
Then I realised I need to wear a perfume, like caffery does whenever he visits brothel. I looked at my sink there were only 4 choices..
  • Jo malone’s basil lime mandarin
  • Jo malone’s blackberry and bay
  • Diptyque’s philosykos
  • Maison francis kurkdjian’s 754

 

I chose Maison’s since other 3 I wore it when I worked.. If it brings working days memory.. I’m sure I will not be able to cum.. Sometimes I go Maison’s website to just listen their BGM.. it’s kinda relaxing..

While I was thinking this and that.. 3 minutes water is done and water was warm enough.. I put my dildo in and wait for a while.. thinking about bongkong who gave me an idea tonight.. He was probably just saying because he seemed bored.. whenever I read his comment I strongly feel his pessimistic view of life.. cynical all the way.. If he makes a movie, it would be like Woody allen’s..

Don’t get me wrong, I love woody allen.. He’s one of my favourite.. Sometime he talks too much like me but well.. I like him.. He has married with Korean and some say he’s pedo, but It reminds me of targajajouka.. the one who loves Korean girls unconditionally.. I’d call it K-fever.. then I imagine his damn cute smiley eyes.. like

Josh hartnett’s smiley eyes.. and his beard.. shaved morning but it’s already gone blue early evening.. I want to stroke it all night long.. facial hair… it turns me on.. then It reminds me that He DATY-ed Lina(42), Coco(5stars), Apple(Ginza)… He licked every Korean pussy but me.. depressing.. what’s wrong with me.. because I don’t look like K-pop star? fuck you takajakakaka.. your username weird!!! I was angry for a while.. then I put my finger in water, it’s already cold.. I needed to warm it up again.. fuck my life

So I put bowl again in microwave… this time I set 5 minutes because I know I’m going to think about something for a while.. such ADHD.. all I wanted to was masterbate and now it’s half past 2 already.. I smell good, water is getting ready, thought about guys so I got excited and what I’m doing until water is done, I’m going to just think about dicks.. long dicks, thick dicks, small dicks… wait.. then I think about chinaman.. innocent, unexperienced, insecure about his size… performance… well It’s gonna be fun if we try any kind of position that he wanted to try.. because he’s such a curious guy.. and seems anti social.. like me.. it’s going to be fun if we fuck whole weekend.. nothing else.. but he last long only like a minute… pre-ejaculation.. can’t be that good if he cums too quick.. He wouldn’t know how to DATY or fingering either.. it’s depressing… He’s size is fine actually.. I was quite happy with my ex’s.. fuck Korean’s gochu… so tiny.. but gochu god is fair because they make it as fit to Korean girl’s size… Imagine Harry’s.. put harry’s inside of me.. not only my pussy will be damaged but also my other organs.. Imagine I won’t even put it in my mouth it doesn’t fit… I’d just lick like I licked AquaS’ seasalt x avocado softserve but I’ll just laugh so hard than lick, even though I’m naked.. and grabbed his dick with my two hands.. because he made me laugh all the time.. how the fuck can we have sex if he’s that funny..

Expected comment from him : I’m gonna sue you fuck I feel sexually harassed.

He’s too funny.. like top 5 funny guy in my life…

Water is ready.. I put my dildo in again.. can I masterbate tonight?.. It should be done because I want to read bongkong’s review.. of my review..

“Once you are done and written it i will fap while i read your AR and then do my own kne about that.”

Then I think.. what’s going on.. all of sudden I’m anxious.. Why I need to write a masterbation after report it’s not even that pride behaviour… what if my family or friends find out I write this rubbish on my blog..

Screen Shot 2017-09-04 at 11.34.36 pm

It’s now 85 not 30.. should I worry about it? Plug-in doesn’t seem to work.

My mum cried twice in front of me, once when I asked her why she cheat, it was when I was 24? 25 years old.. and once I shaved my hair and had facetime with her. If she finds out I’m writing review of I’m poking myself with black stone dildo she will cry a lot and kill herself too.. it’s depressing.. this idea killed my horny-ness.. I don’t want to put dildo or any finger in myself anymore but I want to cry.. I have work tomorrow and I wrote this until now and it’s half past 3… .but guess it generates more interest.. interest means more visitor.. more visitor means more Wordads clicks.. therefore money…

Then I think about beta101.. who gave me an idea of ads.. who’s mad and actually really good at UFO catcher.. imagining all the plush toys he won… imagining his room full of pikachu, eevee, snoopy and so on.. but He falls in love every time with Korean WL but not me.. such innocent soul… He’s sometimes bitch @forum but.. I don’t want him to get hurt because of WLs anymore.. If I become too rich because of this blog I’ll buy a ufo catcher machine and install it @n5m so we can hang sometimes…

Comments 78

  1. G$$ 07/09/2017

    Don’t be too hard on yourself Chelsea. Self pleasuring shouldn’t be from or for self-loathing or self-deprecating. It should be a wonderful experience that starts with loving and understanding oneself and ones body.

    Next time, don’t plan it, especially when you are sick. Don’t worry about the dildo, start with your fingers. When you are alone and feeling horny just feel yourself, touch yourself. Don’t worry about what other people may think, about you or what you are doing. Be in the moment. Just focus on the thoughts that made you horny, made you wet. Get out of your mind and into your body. Don’t worry about reaching orgasm, take it slow and just become aware of the sensation of your touch and how good it feels, orgasm should flow naturally. If it’s a man you are imagining being with you, touching you, fucking you. Whether it be an ex-lover that you had amazing sex with or some guy you recently met that you would love to be in bed with or even the guy of your dreams that you haven’t met yet but want to. Imagine their how good it is seeing them admiring your sexy body, how they smell when they are with you, the sounds they make as they get pleasure from you and you from them. Imagine the sensations as if it is their touch as you caress your breasts and play with yourself. Imagine them turning you on, touching you, kissing you, licking you, fucking you, in just the right ways. Imagine how that makes you feel. Let yourself get lost in your emotions and your body.

    This is a lesson I have only recently learnt myself. Just because Vitamin rejected you or targajajouka has had all Korean pussy but yours doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you. I’m sure there many guys who love Korean pussy and would be happy to go down on you, myself included. I know it might be hard at first to let go of these thoughts that distract you. It’s what I struggled with and still do sometimes. But when you can fall in love with yourself then self pleasure comes naturally.

    And for heavens sake, don’t worry about writing up an AR for it. Just let it happen and embellish in your own pleasure. Masturbation is the time to be selfish.

    • Chelsea 07/09/2017

      aigoo… sorry it’s all bullshit to generate some more visitors, sorry if you get this seriously :/ even though I made this huge effort, still get 0 paid from wordpress. bloody hell?

      • Big country 07/09/2017

        Yeah, G$$ took what you wrote to heart. I could see you were having fun with this. What you really wrote were your thoughts and meditations themed around a black stone dildo heating up in a microwave! The water heating up and then going cold again creating the time for you to write more. I can see that Sydney Morning Herald headline :” Horny Korean blows up microwave with stone dildo!” Ha ha! Funny Chelsea and I think it is your best essay so far. Writing in the still of the early morning must be the right time.

      • G$$ 08/09/2017

        Aw man, I am sorry I took it too seriously as well. I guess with little sleep I just found it depressing, but then again so did BK.

        I really have to stop responding to people after working extended hours, I have put my foot in it too many times.
        Damn it. I’m doing it again and I’m still going to hit the post button.

  2. Anonymous 06/09/2017

    Don’t be too hard on yourself Chelsea. Self pleasuring shouldn’t be from or for self-loathing or self-deprecating. It should be a wonderful experience that starts with loving and understanding oneself and ones body.
    Next time, don’t plan it, especially when you are sick. Don’t worry about the dildo, start with your fingers. When you are alone and feeling horny just feel yourself, touch yourself. Don’t worry about what other people may think, about you or what you are doing. Be in the moment. Just focus on the thoughts that made you horny, made you wet. Get out of your mind and into your body. Don’t worry about reaching orgasm, take it slow and just become aware of the sensation of your touch and how good it feels, orgasm should flow naturally. If it’s a man you are imagining being with you, touching you, fucking you. Whether it be an ex-lover that you had amazing sex with or some guy you recently met that you would love to be in bed with or even the guy of your dreams that you haven’t met yet but want to. Imagine their how good it is seeing them admiring your sexy body, how they smell when they are with you, the sounds they make as they get pleasure from you and you from them. Imagine the sensations as if it is their touch as you caress your breasts and play with yourself. Imagine them turning you on, touching you, kissing you, licking you, fucking you, in just the right ways. Imagine how that makes you feel. Let yourself get lost in your emotions and your body.
    This is a lesson I have only recently learnt myself. Just because Vitamin rejected you or targajajouka has had all Korean pussy but yours doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you. I’m sure there many guys who love Korean pussy and would be happy to go down on you, myself included. I know it might be hard at first to let go of these thoughts that distract you. It’s what I struggled with and still do sometimes. But when you can fall in love with yourself then self pleasure comes naturally.
    And for heavens sake, don’t worry about writing up an AR for it. Just let it happen and embellish in your own pleasure. Masturbation is the time to be selfish.

      • Anonymous 07/09/2017

        Yeah, G$$ took what you wrote to heart. I could see you were having fun with this. What you really wrote were your thoughts and meditations themed around a black stone dildo heating up in a microwave! The water heating up and then going cold again creating the time for you to write more. I can see that Sydney Morning Herald headline :” Horny Korean blows up microwave with stone dildo!” Ha ha! Funny Chelsea and I think it is your best essay so far. Writing in the still of the early morning must be the right time.

      • Anonymous 07/09/2017

        Aw man, I am sorry I took it too seriously as well. I guess with little sleep I just found it depressing, but then again so did BK.
        I really have to stop responding to people after working extended hours, I have put my foot in it too many times.
        Damn it. I’m doing it again and I’m still going to hit the post button.

  3. Harry Calllahan 07/09/2017

    “how the fuck can we have sex if he’s that funny”

    A few girls have told me this, but they usually leave out the being funny part.

    🙁

  4. Anonymous 06/09/2017

    “how the fuck can we have sex if he’s that funny”
    A few girls have told me this, but they usually leave out the being funny part.
    🙁

  5. BongKong 07/09/2017

    Oh man this is my fav comment of the whole thing “He has married with Korean and some say he’s pedo, but It reminds me of targajajouka” hahahah.

    I appreciate the effort but this article is so depressing – and you say i am a pessimist??? Far from it my friend – I love life. Perhaps you confuse sarcasm with cynicism me thinks.

    Too bad about the AR – i could of wrote something special with pre fap commentary, pictures – the works. But this is more depressing than than someone taking a shit in your cereal bowl.

    Something like this shouldn’t get you so down. Be happy!!!

    Much love for the effort

  6. bong@kong.com 06/09/2017

    Oh man this is my fav comment of the whole thing “He has married with Korean and some say he’s pedo, but It reminds me of targajajouka” hahahah.
    I appreciate the effort but this article is so depressing – and you say i am a pessimist??? Far from it my friend – I love life. Perhaps you confuse sarcasm with cynicism me thinks.
    Too bad about the AR – i could of wrote something special with pre fap commentary, pictures – the works. But this is more depressing than than someone taking a shit in your cereal bowl.
    Something like this shouldn’t get you so down. Be happy!!!
    Much love for the effort

  7. Pedo with Josh Hartnett eyes 07/09/2017

    Ahem….I’ll have you know that I don’t “love Korean girls unconditionally”. I have standards like if they don’t look close to like Naeun or Hyejeong from AOA, then I ain’t got time for that.

    Interesting you mentioned Josh Hartnett. He was in a movie about a guy going for 40 days of no sex or masturbation.

  8. Anonymous 07/09/2017

    Ahem….I’ll have you know that I don’t “love Korean girls unconditionally”. I have standards like if they don’t look close to like Naeun or Hyejeong from AOA, then I ain’t got time for that.
    Interesting you mentioned Josh Hartnett. He was in a movie about a guy going for 40 days of no sex or masturbation.

  9. Big country 07/09/2017

    What also makes me laugh about your after reviews is that they are lots of introduction to the action – and then no action! Ha ha! You build we guys up and then let us down! But at least you leave us with a laugh, which is even better i think. 🙂

    • Chelsea 07/09/2017

      ehhhehe that’s the whole point. make readers expect a lot and boom nothing happens after all 😀 thanks for reading again!!!! pleasure if you enjoyed it!

  10. Anonymous 07/09/2017

    What also makes me laugh about your after reviews is that they are lots of introduction to the action – and then no action! Ha ha! You build we guys up and then let us down! But at least you leave us with a laugh, which is even better i think. 🙂

  11. Herb 21/09/2017

    Omg, you crazy Korean. You tell the best stories.
    Contact me, I’ll buy you a bloody kettle and a LELO toy that doesn’t need heating.

  12. Anonymous 21/09/2017

    Omg, you crazy Korean. You tell the best stories.Contact me, I’ll buy you a bloody kettle and a LELO toy that doesn’t need heating.

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