Because someone asked me last night
“Are you after boyfriend?”
It’s funny some people just hate to commit relationship after heart broken but why I am still seeking for love even though my heart has been already powder ㅋㅋㅋ (broke so many time) am I looking for a love or just attention?
My first looooveeeee When I was 19, just got to uni, fresh as fuck… I met a guy who’s 5 years older than me. First kiss, first sex.. He was really good to me, more likely He admired me because He was super-normal and I may be relatively a bit abnormal (according to him). We studied fine art together so sometimes He couldn’t conceal his envy of me, says
“Ugh, you are crazy but I’m not, I wish I was!”
He did all of my assignment, portfolios because He didn’t want me to fail courses, though, I at last failed most of subjects because of attendance. Oh my old days! You know how annoying it is to do assignment, write essay thing.., even it’s your own, you don’t want to do but He did all for me 🙁 I was good to him too. I wasn’t interested in any dicks as much as right now so He’s the only guy who I talk to, was virgin but willing to try anything because I was curious, so loyal! so sex! The problem was, He was such a day dreamer. now I think mid twenties could be a day dreamer, though, you dream big always..right
But while we were seeing each other, 5 years, 5 YEARS!! He has not changed much, He wanted to be an artist, yes artist, so you get paid from gallery/museum if you have your own exhibition, or sell your project to anyone who’s interested. To be an succeed artist, well.. It’s all about timing, like our life, chances.. timing.. but first and foremost you need to be talented. Like the Mozart and Salieri.. or at least keep trying whatever until you find out something? No, I’m not saying that he fucked it up all but .. I don’t know I don’t want to mean but If you know that you are not talented you should find other way to survive, no?.. but He kept complaining that his not talented but that was it. Complain, drinking, smoking, complain, drinking, smoking, repeat. Got any better if you just complaining about your life. Plus drinking soju like a machine and next day suffer from hangover whole day so can’t do much about it but help lazy girl friend assignment does not help to be an awesome artist. Maybe I saw only part of him, He may be thought differently but I was young, there was no time to consider other things but what I saw is he’s hugging toilet and puking what he had last night.
Then I came to Australia, did this and that started working @M8, met a married guy. We dated a yeah ridiculously, I even introduced to my mum and mum’s boyfriend (He’s not anymore) Funny, We had dinner together 4 of us my mum, mum’s bf, me and married guy. My mum said
“Chelsea you don’t look like coming back to Seoul sooner or later because you look like you’re in love sooooo deep”
and I cried a lot ㅋㅋㅋ cried like a whale in Hurricane grill, Darling harbour. Everyone looked at me because I cried loudly, it was just uncontrollable. Server came to us and asked If I’m ok and is there anything they can help. It was big mess.. My mum didn’t know that he’s married and I was so upset about it. Because I can tell she likes him too. He was nice(looking), mature, economically secured, wears nice watch, drives good car. He paid all expensive hotel rooms, tours for my mum and mum’s bf. Talk nicely, treat me like princess, polite to my mum. etc etc etc etc.. She told me that She’s happy because I finally see someone “OK”
She until now talking about him not often but sometimes and asking me why I had to break up with him, I am just speechless. I know She wants me to be happy, that’s all she wants.. The married guy was nice guy indeed, except the fact that he’s married. ㅋㅋ He really treat me like princess, tried to help me, taught me many things, was good at everything like BJJ, his career, sex,.. He has a curved dick and it felt great! and lies. Now I am jaded as fuck so if sexy perfect married guy tells me that he loves me and he gonna divorce soon then I’m going to spit on his face. However, I was too naive, and maybe in love so deep like my mum said. You know when you’re in love you don’t listen anything you don’t see anything. The married guy said He’s been separate with his wife already for few month 😀 WTF
is so strange, really. The problem is most of the time I’m wrong but when I’m right, I’m super right. When I met him for the first time, I asked him
“ARE YOU MARRIED?”
Usually I don’t. I don’t ask this kind of question because It may make them feel guilty, or at least uncomfortable so session could go very wrong. So I don’t.. but I just wanted to ask him so bad that time. He showed me his 10 fingers and asked me back
“Do I look like married man?”
So many dramas when I was with him, I could write a book but yeah eventually I got sick of him and I ran away to London. Oh well I ran away from my first boyfriend too. That’s the original reason why I came to Australia. I clicked maybe.. 15 times? through Australia immigration website, ticked yes/yes/yes/no/no/no and they gave me a visa. nice…
Mm.. Anyway.. (continue writing) funny thing was that his wife was pregnant while he was cheating and now they are all good. He sent me happy birthday card until last year but this year I didn’t get any.
Why I was in love, so deep, in love? I guess because I can’t have him so I want him more, like the forbidden fruit.. . I am a only child. My parents bought me anything that I wanted because .. they were all busy and I was alone always. They want compensate me with their money because they felt sozzz for not being together, and plus divorce. I almost threatened them like
“I’m a child of single parent so my life is miserable, therefore I want this and that”
I know.. bitch..right.. pfttt, I had everything I wanted to have but why not this guy!!!!!!!boo!!!!
After married guy I met a guy who’s same age as me and we were in same uni. Because of this we got close so quick and We moved in same place in waterloo.
So we moved into same place, I don’t understand why i dated him for a while like 6 months. He was the one that addicted dota, the most not-understandable thing for me was, He doesn’t like sharing his food LOL i know it sounds fun right, he got so angry whenever I had his food without his permission. ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ(maybe I’m rude now I think right.. maybe food sharing is ‘my’ thing not other’s 😞) We, lived, together. Shared fridge, food shelve, and he doesn’t want to give me a small piece of cookie even. What the heck!!!!!!!!!! After we had so many argues he FINALLY learnt how to share a food but I really don’t understand how I dated him no less than 6 months. The rent contract was a year, So i was like ok.. whatever..
and I was busy at uni too so couldn’t be fucked to make more drama. He had actually so many problems, (sincerely wish him to got over it all now) Especially domestic violence,(no-no I’m not a victim he was victim from his mum) so there fore mommy issue etc.. . you know it’s hard to deal with in case of issued person x normal but imagine a case of issued x more issued couple is like … well.. no recommend! Later when we broke up and We had a money problem as well, I lend money to him and he didn’t want to pay me back WTF. Now it’s all good but that time I kind of sick and tired of dating. So many brain scars already.
After I moved out from the place where I lived with my ex, Oh! that time I shaved hair.. I had a compulsory single time for like a year, then I met a guy from Korea. He graduated uni here, got employed good company and had no problem with anything. This guy is the first and last guy who I broke up because of sex. I wasn’t interested him first because for me he was just no more than good boy. In his mind brothel is like the place where transaction is occurred between all mafia or gang customers and drug fucked girls and shit. You know the stereo-type of brothel in movie scene.. but yeah he met me when his first sex shop experience and he was kinda shocked because I was not drug fucked, or depressed, was still studying and surprisingly I spoke better english than him. He underestimate working ladies and.. It could be fun for him to hang with me because i was still bubbly even though i’ve got so much problems whereas he doesn’t have any problem but life seems little boring. He’s from wealthy family, as i said good job, everything was perfect but how do i say… Mmm.. everything seemed too plain. He may be need a stimulus.. maybe that was me??! He was really good to me though, I remember he got me a 버물리
Only because I said
“Mosquitoes are everywhere!”
I was just saying it because I am always popular for mosquitoes, (lots of sugar in my blood?) and he drove all the way from Paramatta to Marrickville to just give me this small bottle of
I was touched😞 isn’t it nice of him 😞, thus I said yes (WTF) when he asked me to be his girl friend. But he was boring indeed, therefore His life was boring too. Especially sex part.. he could be better if we worked it out together but i didn’t like him that much anyway so didn’t really want to spend my energy on it. It was too.. skinny … skinny dick.. the worst… skinny dicks are worst.. .
Once we argued because of real small thing, after that I blocked his number, kakao talk, everything just straight away like I was waiting for it.
It couldn’t be big thing for him either, he could’ve come to my place he really wanted to, but he didn’t. so.. kthxbai
I think just few months later I finally met my previous ex, I wouldn’t talk much about him because He is reading my blog I’m sure.
What I was going to say.. why I typed all about my exs?
Oh yes, because, well whole my life was.. like I never wanted boyfriend so bad but it just happened to me. Maybe because I.. I am so.. easy, people feed me and I fall in love. ㅎㅎ and the circumstance, I had too many fishes in my tank. so many options.. I met 5-6 guys a day and every single session I fell in love because one of my work strategy was that I tried to pick something good on them so I can enjoy the chatting. (Chatting is obviously less hard work than sex, sorry I ripped you off) Someone is really funny, someone is really smart, someone could be very handsome, and someone is very rich and spend money like water! So many interesting people came to see me and how could I NOT fall in love with them? They even pay me so.
ㅡㅡ? (it’s Korean emoji that implies “wtf?”, the more you know~)
Mmm.. maybe,.. right… If there’s a reason why most of my relationship were fucked, It’s because I didn’t really like them first (maybe a little keen?) but still decided to date? As someone said people tend to look for something, (or someone) to love If they don’t love themselves enough. So they can rely on something, (or someone) instead of being independent individual. That’s it? maybe? I may look cool, open minded and don’t give a damn about small things but I’m still insecure about everything, anything. Like my yesterdays, my tomorrows, even right now I have so much things to finish but still I’m hanging out here and there and procrastinating solve the problems. Fuck and whenever the guys approached me I felt like they will solve all my problems. like… mmm… EXPECTATIONS ㅋㅋㅋ and When I realised they can’t do anything about my problems I left them first before they left me. I know.. bitch.. right
In conclusion, I may spend some more time on my single life because … I need more time.. more time to study about myself.. and also because It’s actually more fun before you and your partner become a bf/gf. don’t you think so?
Korean call it
썸 [sum] or [some] ..;
I think It’s from .. mm.. well.. duck !!!! it’s hard to explain!
It’s state of.. “some”thing is going on between two singles, but they are not gf/bf yet. Well anyway that tension between boy and girl, is the best part of relationship.. isn’t it? that thrill, that butterfly in your tummy! After all you and your partner will be like
“The best friend who fucks regularly”
I don’t mind this way either though… I think I’ve heard this quote from somewhere but don’t know where. I believe you guys all know what I mean. …
Many people believe that I try my best to get attention from guys so I shit on my blog and upload nudes on snapchat etc.. Well it’s true! It’s good feeling when people tell me I’m good looking, I’m cute and I’m genuine. (even though it’s filter ㅋㅋ) I can’t deny, Getting attention from guys are much better than girls of course, since I’m like 200% straight. If the moment I cum is 10/10 pleasant, when people say I’m cute it’s like 9/10. It’s damn good feeling. But.. yeah getting boyfriend wasn’t my intention but I’m sure I’m seeking attention. Maybe there’s my prince.. you know.. ㅋ
also Many people still asking me out even though I’m bit retarded and nothing really special but little bit funny :/ People often confuse their inquisitive mind towards me is whether curiosity 1, or curiosity 2.
Curiosity 1 is the tendency to ask and learn about things by asking questions, investigating or exploring.
Curiosity 2 is just wondering so wanna check it out with your eyes, for gratifying yours needs. How fucked this woman and if there’s any possibility to fuck. Because having sexual intercourse with mental sounds interesting.
Well how do I distinct between curiosity 1 and 2?
2426 words! omg!