Approval addiction

I have too many things going on my head so I often forget the fact that I’m holding something. As a result I drop things to floor very often, it’s either broken/crushed(in case I drop a fragile things eg. Mirror, Cup) or become a mess (in case I drop food. esp liquid… imagine I dropped a glass cup filled with chocolate milk on white fur carpet LOOL)
My mum used to call me a imbecility (I couldn’t find a right word, It’s like stupid but brain disease) whenever I did something wrong like above, I mean.. how could she be more mean, like how ㅋㅋㅋ and also She was very suspicious if I am an Asperger, because I sometimes shout with no reason, talked to myself, making animal sound and I don’t know.. maybe for her I’m just not-understand-able.

This modern days, many people already know well that how mum(or dad)’s speech and behaviour affect their kids’ life, like their whole lifespan. I think my mum knew it as well, She just sometimes couldn’t bear that I’m so stupid and I’m her daughter.

well too bad couldn't be helped

It’s still haunting me so bad, whenever I make noise from my nose, I drop something so it breaks, talk to myself, and forget something that I shouldn’t. It’s true, you need to watch out your mouth, especially if you’re parenting. ..

I’ll do some food reviews before I write something else

Reuben republic‘s Pulled pork burger and Cheesy fries

Pulled pork burger : 5/10

pulled pork was dry, too saucy so it actually tastes good (I mean sweet) but only sauce flavours nothing else. You could pretty much guess it’s mayo/barbecue sauce and coleslaw (because they put coleslaw top of pulled pork. I don’t know why I had this, probably because I never had pulled pork burger :/ They have their signature sandwich, so I should try that next time. I love coleslaw.

Cheesy fries : 5/10

It was soggy, the worst thing ever I could think of bad chips… was it because melted cheese? or was just old chips… some crispy chips I could find it but cheese sauce was way too salty.. They put some salt in chips too… no good.. but I had almost half of it anyway ㅋ

Pros close to n5m, ubereats, kinda nice cafe, affordable price.

Cons not so tasty, but I’d try their signature menu next time.

Italian street kitchen‘s Calzone, Gnocchi and tiramisu (sorry no picture but video)

Calzone : 5/10

I can’t compare because I never had Calzone before. Ham, mushroom, and candida discharge (ricotta cheese) inside and it’s literally half folded pizza. or Pizza pouch. I was amused because I now kind of know why many guys really like pizza, and the couple next table had 1 whole pizza each. so total 2 pizzas for 2. WOW.. wow!!!! wow!!!!! Not too salty, not thick dough, it was “슴슴” (I don’t think there’s same word in English, it means not too salty) so it would be meh If you don’t like 슴슴 flavour. I love it though

Gnocchi : 5/10

It was delicious! again, 슴슴. Cheesy, comes with cute hot pot!! good looking food always makes me wet. However, why so big?

I am big fan of gnocchi, always… but I never had this big gnocchi. It’s not cute.

Pros Kinda nice place, affordable price, I liked sparkling water machine, 슴슴 flavour

Cons FAR unless you live @North shore

Get back to topic


It’s funny

Before I didn’t even know how to response to compliment

I’ve never been approved, and finally I’ve got approval because I blew pretty well.

I finally found something I'm good at it and It was blow job.

It was really truly bloody sweet. I mean, be approved by others. Sweeter than anything, you never had this euphoria so you got to addicted. My mum call me retard my ex said I’m human-pug but now people worship me. How could it be better? I thought I’m worthless whole my life but now people tell me I’m special, I’m unique and I’m one and only. How can you not like it? It’s like sugar, it’s like drug. You just want more and more approval. Every addictive substance has a tolerance, same amount of substance will never satisfy you yet rejection and criticism will kill me twice. Because it(approval) makes you believe that you are worth it.

Generally speaking, the person who’s suffering from addiction, can’t think rationally, and objectively. Above all things, it’s very easy to indulge in self-pity because I often think

“I sacrifice myself to make yours happy, I SACRIFICED.”

The people who like me will probably like me no matter what I do, (unless I commit crime) I don’t have to mind whether they like it or don’t.

That means, I don’t have to upload nude to be approved, to get approval the fact that I’ve got a ok body. I don’t have to snapchat when I’m in library, I always do that to show them off I work hard.

Think about it, do I do this to be approved? or I do this for my own needs. Other people’s thoughts don’t affect much on my feeling unless I think that’s

right

. The price of the 

praise(approval) addiction

is that you become vulnerable as fuck so you will live passively to avoid any rejection, criticism or non-approval. uncool. My own happiness becomes second thing and other people’s view becomes the very first thing in my life. uncool..

Blaming my mum about called me retard, blaming someone who says I’m no good don’t do anything. If they try to be a dick, let them be a dick. .. more important thing is, recognition. .. self recognition. 

Concentrate.

. listen to myself whenever something happens, especially if it blasts my mind. Why I always mad at similar point, why I get upset, stressed out… different situation, same outcomes.. guess it’s because I’m an attention whore. damn it, Admit it!!!ㅎㅎ

 

I thought it’s fun.. but some people could’ve thought that I flirt bunch of dicks, enjoy tons of attention but never work. ㅋㅋ having fun blogging, trolling but never seem to work so they had to report it. Nice pics thanks

Much effort

But my question is.. why would be bothered, really.. Can you not care what I’m doing

Live boldly.

(All of sudden I’m quoting from

me before you

,

it was shit movie but I liked the last 20 minutes and cried a lot ㅜㅜ shit so sad, he eventually chose to kill himself ㅜㅜ 엉엉)

ㅅㅂ

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dgdgds.png

All these are bs excuses! please don’t comment like

“you are worth it”

please!zㅋ say something else

I put another filtered selfie flauntingly 😉 enjoy

1103 words

Comments 13

  1. Anonymous 13/09/2017

    You do look a bit crazy in your video! In your eyes. It is a good portrait!
    That music is pretty groovy too, who is it?
    ps. I will comment on the other things later.

  2. you@tube.com 13/09/2017

    You say approval comes because you blew well?
    Perhaps it was the opposite and it came from fear. I know i agree to anything when my penis is surrounded by teeth.
    My Uncle was similar and was a attention whore. He would stand up in the middle of a room and pull his pants down saying look im a woman as there would only be bush. Everyone was amazed until one day my cousin was sitting behind him when he did it and could see his cock and balls tucked between his legs and the dream was over.
    “37”

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