confronting a new relationship

So, I’ve been out with a NEW guy for like more than a month now, We are not officially in relationship but have spent few weekends together, I even cooked for him (wow), etc so it’s more likely couple sooner or later. From K-girls’ point of view changing Kakao talk’s profile picture (voluntarily) means everything. It’s an announcement. Announce to friends and family, that I’m with him!!! woo hooo!!!!

However, I am questioning to myself, why… why normal guy would meet me seriously? He could meet others, like the one who had no WL/ML experience. I’d rather find one like this If I were guy. Why would you .. have second-hand(which is jaded as fuck so it’s almost break down soon) if there are plenty of brand new around you? and the jaded one costs even more because I eat a lot more than brand-new. I am not even that pretty. I may be fun to hang with, that’s my friends’ opinion why I’m dumped every time. Guys might find me an interesting person, fun to be with, fun to hang or talk with, but relationship? maybe not., too many problems, too many issues. And first and foremost, The fact that I was working-lady will haunt him for ever, until we break up. Whenever I make mistake, he would think it’s because of my job. I thought it could be solved if I quit. So I quit my decent job to be loved, and it didn’t work. I expected him to introduce me to his friends, and family so we could be more official, but it never happened. He forced me to change my profile picture because then other guys will not able to talk to me but he never changed his. I was ok, stupidly, I thought it’s reasonable, fuck but it’s not. So I finished with my last client boyfriend, decided never going to meet customer, I mean my customers not other’s lol

I am still working at brothel and meet lonely(horny) guys every day, let’s say I meet 100 guys a day and there’s a lots of chance to meet someone who’s interested in me. (once again, it’s easier because they are lonely and horny) and I do my blog. Bl fucking log, which don’t give a shit about ads placement and got me so excited.. mother fucking blog, since I wrote every-shit-things on my blog, people, who even I never met, showed me their deep affection(?) and I was kinda overwhelmed so I repaid(?) them with my nudes. Pretty shit nude but desperate lonely(horny) guys loved it so did I.

I had so many chances to meet NEW guys and I really enjoyed it, but like.. how many people would think that they want me as a genuine .. serious friend? They’re still asking me on snapchat, private message that they would love to buy me a dinner but why? why would you buy me a dinner even though you know my past, my problems, I am shallow as fuck, I troll, I tease, I bully. Why would you still buy me a dinner? because I seem fun girl? .. so I may make your dinner less boring and a chance of fuck? hmm.. this guy, right., the current one seemed different. I don’t know my intuition anyway wrong all the time so It’s not reliable hmm… I’m still wondering.. why.. this guy.. like me? why??? WHY??? my self esteem is low as fuck so I even doubt why I’m loved lol I’m fucked.

I don’t want to meet someone who never know my previous career, because then He never going to understand me. If I meet a guy who doesn’t know my past, I’ll give a this blog address as a textbook, read properly 3 times and give me a 3000 words essay about it. Or i would just shut my blog down and pretend i worked at somewhere else but brothel. But does it really matter? I mean… i thought it’s gonna be hard, really hard to find one who fully


me without knowing my past. But.. if he’s mind is changed because what i’ve done in past.. does he really love me myself or mmm… it’s a dilemma. I’m ok die alone but then I also want fairytale :(.. wait, firstly does he even like me or it’s again fuckin expectation?

31 thoughts on “confronting a new relationship”

  1. Self doubt is part of starting a relationship
    Also you always over empathize your negative aspects & understate your positives
    On the plus side you’ve cooked him a meal & not poisoned him!!
    Try & have some fun, but don’t going buying tons of bridal magazines just yet eh?!!

    1. Wise words from Chazza
      I would focus more on your positive qualities and what you can bring into the relationship.
      Just enjoy it now, in the moment, and don’t worry to much about your ‘expectations’. If it works out it works out but if it doesn’t, it’s not the end of the world.

      1. Honesty is not easy, its one of the highest qualities you can have since we are biologically hardwired to tell lies. As Chazza said, you’re understating your positive. you will never fully understand another person reasoning unless you become them.

  2. Fuck you get a lot of Dr Phil’s reading your blog.
    Dont take advice from people who need plenty themselves.
    Your a smart mofo – just go with your gut.

          1. Ummm…yeah. That will narrow it down. Lol. The whole place probably was full of white guys with a blonde girl….

      1. Nah i like having my friend kept snug and warm.
        I dunno what you call them – i wear like the shorts undies.
        Otherwise if i go commando everything is bouncing everywhere. Except in winter hahaha
        What was your fav thing at the markets?

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