Guys make me cry sometimes, that’s good then i can finally write something. haha it has been too long since the last update, let’s not count one that was written in korean, it has lost its meaning when i tried to translate to English. But i will keep try anyway
I wanted to write, I really did, so I was even thinking maybe I write mineral water reviews… so I tried many types of mineral water and I finalised conclusion it’s all same same unless I drink one type of mineral water for like an year, or at least a month and observe my body changes.
Too many types of water actually so I don’t actually know what to drink, so I asked to myself
drink what water?
you have 2 options if you forgot how to question to yourself. 1. conforming, 2. resignation.
In case 2. resignation, you are most likely fucked up. It means you give up the things and forget about the things. Life progresses from tiny banal questions. In hindsight, the clearest, earnest and most desperate question was from I to myself. Most of the time I couldn’t find answer but I discovered things that it totally breaks a flow. the real good question makes me realise that what is the problem.
not many people write well because they are just good at it. random thoughts lose its randomness when I try to express by writhing about it.
Getting know myself is rated much below than its real value, I see wider and deeper about this cosmos because I kind of know what’s wrong with me, I know what’s wrong with me so I could catch someone else’s scar more clearly. Only those who have experienced starvation know its sorrow. I know how sorrow it is so I could have been more careful not to hurt someone but perhaps I would’ve done it already.
Nice guys remind me of my dad. He wasn’t nice to me anyway but maybe that’s the reason?Would my dad have visited brothel after he got divorce?… because too lonely and no one was next to him? I talk only 3-4 times a year to him, it’s even through messenger not a single phone call. My dad once told me that it’s better not get married. would he hate women?
Whereas my mum used to ask me quite often if I have any boyfriend, or talked about what wedding ceremony she attended. I once told her
but mum, dad never recommend to me to get married. and I agree.. I don’t know why people do paperwork if they aren’t sure about their future.
after that she never asked me same question. I know she just wants me to have happy family like other people do.
When i go to Korea, i will buy a nice jacket to my dad. Winter in Korea is just too harsh to old single man. Imagine my dad almost 10 years spend christmas with no one, he would have preferred to work because he’s too lonely and bored. Like me, I worked when it’s xmas last 3 years. I wish he could have been lied to me that he’s single, it’s too sad, so i wake up middle of night and cry because it’s too sad… poor my dad
I miss my dad. I haven’t seen him for long now and I’d just cry like whale if he looks smaller than last time we met.
But i can’t tell him that i miss him
I am too shy
I put my naked pictures here and there
I publish my sex story on internet so everyone can read
But i am too shy to just call him, say hi, ask him how is he doing
My goal this Korea trip
Be nice to my dad, be more friendly
Buy a nice jacket for him
Say i love you maybe next year
That is whole different level, i need more courage.
if you trick someone else, you may go jail or at least penalty. you will get a sterner punishment if you cheat on yourself. that’s called regret.