How I valued myself a way lower than I deserve.
I tried to prove myself through the guy who I’m in relationship with, who I chose to love. Always, I wanted to escape through the one who I’m with, Whenever I thought my value hits the deepest bottom part of my life, whenever I felt I’m like worthless shit.
I loved my ex boyfriends but I didn’t like them. I didn’t like them enough to bring them into my life and take care of them. At last I was trembling from the fear that if they don’t love me like I do..
I was afraid they eventually run away from me because I often hate myself, so why not others hate me, I didn’t want them to hate me and so leave me thus I chose to leave them earlier. I looked always further out and couldn’t bear long enough time that we were together. I felt like my snowflake self esteem turns rocket high by Nice cool guy’s flower deliveries, fancy restaurants and sweet talks. Felt like giving middle finger to my chaotic 20’s lifetime and say
“Fuck you loneliness, I’m settling down!!”
Anyway, my existence shouldn’t be defined by others.
Furthermore, I found most of my issues and problems, I finally and properly got to confront(closer) to them and had chance to think about It deeply. It’s mad.
It’s true that my 20’s was quite extra ordinary, I almost ended up ticking all my bucket lists. My earlier (teenager’s) dreams almost have come true.
I am OK to finish my life, but I am also curious what’s gonna happen in the future.
Did i secretly wish to be Cinderella? I failed my previous relationships , then I realised it that fairytale is “their” bullshit, not my dream.
Because, “Men” can’t save women’s life from the beginning.
Seoul is where I was born, raised up, and where I lived more than 20 years.
I was rather a daughter of my mum and dad, a student of art school, a spoilt one of single parent family, a girl who spent more than enough time and money to enter her dream uni but at last failed, but in Sydney, she seems more than ok somehow, no one knows what she exactly does but who cares?
After my parents’ divorce, bitches’ outcasting, when I failed uni and when I worked at where I got exploited, I always thought
“I want to move” to somewhere, where no one knows me, so I can start ‘Ms no-one’ life.
How fun? Feeling that your new life, from somewhere you never been, and people don’t know you.
People in Sydney didn’t care much until I start talking about myself, they were more curious about what I studied than what school I went to, then.. possibly tattoo? Questions such as.. Where, or who did you get those Tatts from?… Tatts were totally on purpose, when you think about it, what if people ask me why I’m like this? Isn’t it much better to answer more practical questions than talking deep shit naked? ㅎㅎㅎ FYI I got most of my skin arts from Mimi, He’s not in Sydney anymore. Once I had argue with him so I was like fuck it I’m gonna get from other than only you@@@!!! And I got turban shell in my forewrist, and now I’m like
“I want to cut this(turban shell) out so bad”
Firstly, it’s so bad quality, lucky it wasn’t that hurt, if it was I’d be more upset about it.
Anyway, people constantly find out my ‘deficiency’ or ‘lonesomeness’ they even worry about me. They never even know whether I exist or I’m like fake persona on Internet.
Moderate amount of curiosity is grounds of warm-heart-ness. If it’s slightly more than that we call it as stalking. But I’m always thank you for stalking me
Sex is, the body related behaviour to give or receive pleasure to each other whom in love. You use your well groomed weapon, which is very clandestine, private and very important your body part. You and your partner will use those very confidential body parts so you should be very careful esp you will want to avoid to make your partner feel awkward and repugnant. It helps increase intimacy between human and human by understanding other’s feeling very carefully while you’re fucking.
Refusal and rejection are fine. It’s ok to be dumped. If there’s winner and loser in any kind of relationship, the winner is who doesn’t desperate about existence of its relationship but tries his/her the best for itself. Fuck you English how can I write better?
It’s unfair people categorise women’s tits size but there’s such no men’s size category.
-Type A 1-5 inches length
-Type B 5-10 inches length
-Type C 10-??? Inches length
Or more specific
-Yellow 49mm condom fits
-Pink 54mm condom fits
-Green 60mm condom fits
Or more specific
So when girls talking about their boys, they can say
“I love him, but he’s only like Yellow A”
“Awww 🙁 poor thing”
“How was it?”
“He’s like total scum, but also full green, Type Z”
“You shut up then”
“Hi miss, anything I can help with today?”
“mm.. I’m looking for my boyfriend’s underwear, He’s size is slightly bigger than B but not Fully C, and more likely Green when he has like fully boner”
“Say no more girl”
FYI, I’m 75A