I didn’t blog for a while (again) because I at some point felt like all this act which I write to share my own thoughts (maybe to get sympathies from readers who I don’t know well or I never even met) is not fun like before. or maybe I was just too busy at doing course. I don’t know
Instead, I published my own little tiny magazine and gave to people I’m appreciate of.
with my Internet press I make my blog(or any other social media) persona or people over/under estimate me as something else. It is still possible though, to recognise me as me myself yet it’s rare because I spent a lots of time to plan and organise for writing. My blogs still look very chaotic but imagine it’s processed chaos, my brain is chaos-er than this. like Spam is a can of unhealthy processed meat but it’s tasty when it’s well cooked and so.
Speaking of spam it’s been a while I have been experimenting a life of vegan. I started very strictly no-dairy no-eggs, collided with some mineral deficiencies especially Iron, Calcium and Vitamin B, never knew that I am allergic to zucchini but I am, (over 20 years It was one of my favourite veggie) well now I’m like vegan whenever I feel like, I had a lots of cheese last weekend and donuts from short.stop. I still am trying not to eat red meat but I start to take supplements, like so my body feel pretty much same, people ask me why all of sudden vegan if it feels same.
Hmm… why not?
30 years I had normal meals and I’m sick of normal meals, so why not try dairy-free, gluten-free for next 30 years? if it doesn’t bother me much then worth to explore I feel.
Back to topic: there would be instant feedback too in happy snoopy internet world. There are not many “like” here my blog but I can always observe people’s reaction. How long you’ve spent time on reading, How many articles you’ve clicked, where you all come from (references) and whether you click my Instagram account down there or not. such high-tech, I know! I pay for this service.
WordPress $33 /Month about a dollar a day.
It doesn’t necessarily mean that I am dependent on readers to validate myself existence, (I was 200% though) but deep inside secretly I’m still seeking someone who’s really engaging, giving attention, participating on/in/to me, my thoughts, my life, and ultimately myself. Like other little girls, upload their selfies, booties and boobies, wait until someone replies/likes and says
Only difference is that I don’t post as many nude selfies as before but more thoughts and expressions. I still want to make sure that I’m being OK by begging peep’s passive supports. I see people keep visiting here even though I don’t write very often. By typing exact address than through google search or other links. Then I sense, hmm.. they like my blog – why like my blog – because they think(feel) similar to me – I’m not alone@!
or maybe only because there always are random nudes in cutebutpsycho.net
Anyway, I’ve been thinking that being single isn’t that bad for an year by now, but maybe secretly I was seeking something to compensate this isolated, disconnected and scattered sense towards to myself and I assume it was blogging. there was more fun to get attention by many than by one but now what I feel both boring. don’t get me wrong, I would still post my tits some times, but I mean not much motivation to do it like before.
Went to bushwalking on rainy day. amazing experience!@
Define my identity from the mass isn’t very fond conduct. although I thought it’s quite accurate because when there are 10 people and 9 people like chai-latte other than pumpkin spicy latte than doesn’t it mean that chai-latte is more likely like-able? I surprised that pumpkin spicy latte is a thing in many other countries. likewise, I have only selected readers. but again, I’ll never stop writing, it’s so therapeutic it’s not scientifically proven but my 30 years of research shows that it is. There was just little subtle shift : 1. An attitude, 2. A medium of manifest. and I like it