I was told not to hold my breath to see things clearly in pranayama class, this time I was told hold my breath as much as I can so I can see turtles and friends closer. Both these breath games challenge my weak mentality and the diving, interestingly, like yoga does, shows me more of myself than my seafood friend. I still worry about something that will never happen, I still doubt on things, I still hesitate.
I used to prefer the front row of the yoga studio because I then more concentrate on myself than on others, I sometimes like to guess more than enough how this person is like from the way they do Yoga. Only because my Asana defines current myself or current mood so I see people through but It might, maybe it is wrong so I preferred front-ish row so I can just look at the wall. Both way were so amusing back then, guessing game about people, either myself. It annoys me now to look at people and judging them by their movement, interesting? I know I’ll elaborate more If I can though.
Not anymore though, I was overwhelmed for long since I decided to leave, I couldn’t relax anymore while I was doing yoga, many things irritated me even the yoga class. Then I started doubt about this yoga thing, was I possessed by something? this annoying poses and annoying people in sweaty smelly room did I really like this? namaste fuck, how the fuck? I even started hate my sleeves only because it makes me look like typical yogi. I started regret about my tattoos, I tried my best to avoid people, I lied to people that I am sick or tired only because I don’t want to talk to anyone either pretend that I’m ok. If Bali local tries to rip you off, let them rip you off@! be cool!@!@W!# it’s only like $5-$10. A cup of coffee for us! stop trying to bargain things in Bali or Thailand or Vietnam wherever the stuffs are cheaper.
I finally bought nice jacket for my dad, I’ve been planning this since November, 2017 but I finally did it. I’ve been in Korea for 2 days now, all I felt was conflicts. Conflict between female and male, conflict between young and old (different generation), conflict between rich and poor,.. like every place where human being exist.. but bit more intense here. People stab people with no reason, People look very unhappy relatively even though there are many 24 hours cafes and things. and the fuck human right does not exist on the road. I have to be very very careful when I cross the road even though it’s green light because drivers consider pedestrian as dog shit seriously wtf I’d say Vietnam road is even much better than here even though there’s no traffic light. People in Bali dodge their scooter not to hit a dog. In Korea drivers try to kill pedestrian and pedestrians take it for granted! why! ? something I just can’t get it.
My dad was parachute troops when he was young and this made him such adrenaline addict I guess. I have only selective memories with him because I was too little but he said he brought me to some extreme places such as deep ocean, snowy mountain, waterfall, etc and I think it affected to my life as well(even though I don’t remember all but partly). Adrenaline addiction was inherent, inherited and educated.
Hanging out with dad isn’t so awkward unlike I expected. I was always told by older people that It’s too late when I want to finally hang out with my parents or grand parents and I can’t agree more. Now I have Money, time and I am old enough to listen/talk to them but not much time left. I had to cancel flights and hotel for my nan because she’s too sick to flight to Jeju. My dad and I shortened our snowy mountain trip because he is feeling unwell recently too. ah,. life!
I tried to find yoga studio near my hotel in Jeju but I might just go when I’m in Seoul. I have no fucking clue why I brought this heavy yoga mat. How hard to live the life of non-possession for me? so much unnecessary attachment!
Maybe I finally understood why people get a loan, sacrifice whole their life to pay off mortgage etc. It sounds the greatest sense of composer to have my own place these days. it’s the peace of mind itself to have the place where I can be back anytime. I am sick and tired of packing, moving, not having my own bed and this modernised hippie life style.