Leaving Amed

IMG_1084I was told not to hold my breath to see things clearly in pranayama class, this time I was told hold my breath as much as I can so I can see turtles and friends closer. Both these breath games challenge my weak mentality and the diving, interestingly, like yoga does, shows me more of myself than my seafood friend. I still worry about something that will never happen, I still doubt on things, I still hesitate.

I used to prefer the front row of the yoga studio because I then more concentrate on myself than on others, I sometimes like to guess more than enough how this person is like from the way they do Yoga. Only because my Asana defines current myself or current mood so I see people through but It might, maybe it is wrong so I preferred front-ish row so I can just look at the wall. Both way were so amusing back then, guessing game about people, either myself. It annoys me now to look at people and judging them by their movement, interesting? I know I’ll elaborate more If I can though.

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*chasing Champagne bubbles*

Not anymore though, I was overwhelmed for long since I decided to leave, I couldn’t relax anymore while I was doing yoga, many things irritated me even the yoga class. Then I started doubt about this yoga thing, was I possessed by something? this annoying poses and annoying people in sweaty smelly room did I really like this? namaste fuck, how the fuck? I even started hate my sleeves only because it makes me look like typical yogi. I started regret about my tattoos, I tried my best to avoid people, I lied to people that I am sick or tired only because I don’t want to talk to anyone either pretend that I’m ok. If Bali local tries to rip you off, let them rip you off@! be cool!@!@W!# it’s only like $5-$10. A cup of coffee for us! stop trying to bargain things in Bali or Thailand or Vietnam wherever the stuffs are cheaper.

I finally bought nice jacket for my dad, I’ve been planning this since November, 2017 but I finally did it. I’ve been in Korea for 2 days now, all I felt was conflicts. Conflict between female and male, conflict between young and old (different generation), conflict between rich and poor,.. like every place where human being exist.. but bit more intense here. People stab people with no reason, People look very unhappy relatively even though there are many 24 hours cafes and things. and the fuck human right does not exist on the road. I have to be very very careful when I cross the road even though it’s green light because drivers consider pedestrian as dog shit seriously wtf I’d say Vietnam road is even much better than here even though there’s no traffic light. People in Bali dodge their scooter not to hit a dog. In Korea drivers try to kill pedestrian and pedestrians take it for granted! why! ? something I just can’t get it.

My dad was parachute troops when he was young and this made him such adrenaline addict I guess. I have only selective memories with him because I was too little but he said he brought me to some extreme places such as deep ocean, snowy mountain, waterfall, etc and I think it affected to my life as well(even though I don’t remember all but partly). Adrenaline addiction was inherent, inherited and educated.

Hanging out with dad isn’t so awkward unlike I expected. I was always told by older people that It’s too late when I want to finally hang out with my parents or grand parents and I can’t agree more. Now I have Money, time and I am old enough to listen/talk to them but not much time left. I had to cancel flights and hotel for my nan because she’s too sick to flight to Jeju. My dad and I shortened our snowy mountain trip because he is feeling unwell recently too. ah,. life!

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I tried to find yoga studio near my hotel in Jeju but I might just go when I’m in Seoul. I have no fucking clue why I brought this heavy yoga mat. How hard to live the life of non-possession for me? so much unnecessary attachment!

Maybe I finally understood why people get a loan, sacrifice whole their life to pay off mortgage etc. It sounds the greatest sense of composer to have my own place these days. it’s the peace of mind itself to have the place where I can be back anytime. I am sick and tired of packing, moving, not having my own bed and this modernised hippie life style.

 

18 thoughts on “Leaving Amed”

  1. I found your blog through Syd99 forum. I find you are interesting person. But it is too late now since you are back in Korea – I believe I mean..too late to get to know u, not for an hour or two booking. But yeah would love to catch up if u ever go back to Sydney. And no..i am not a creep. I just think somehow you give me an inspiration..

  2. Competition, conflict is all through nature, existence, in one’s being and universal from the beginning of time.

    Freedom from desire, aggression, delusion, anger is a different topic from this conversation.

  3. Hey Chelsea are you okay? Please don’t give up on yoga! I have to admit 2018 was a pretty shit year for me but yoga helped me get through it and I’m so thankful that you introduced it to me. To be honest I didn’t really like doing it but it taught me so many things. For the majority of last year I felt very confused, my life was stagnant and I didn’t know what the next step was. Yoga taught me to believe in myself and that it’s ok to suck at something and not know where life is going as long as I continually try to improve and experiment with different things. I learnt to find happiness through suffering. Sometimes it hurts that I’m still single, or that I’m not where I want to be in my career, or that I don’t have the money and lifestyle that I want. But then i think about how much progress I’ve made through yoga. I couldn’t even touch my toes when I started and now I can do Pungu Mayurasana (sometimes). It’s been a long year and on reflection I’ve actually accomplished more than I initially gave myself credit for. I hope we all have a great 2019 and continue to live experimental lives!

    1. That’s a big progression! Good on you!! you might want YTT200 do you? … why it hurts to be single? Single is the best so you don’t have to share the food

      1. You know, last year I went through this period where I thought the same thing. Single is great. Don’t have to share food. Don’t have to deal with bullshit. Can do whatever the fuck I want. Fuck yeah! But then I realised that wasn’t really me talking. That was just my bitch ass self telling me that it’s ok to be single so I never have to get hurt. Single might be good in the short term but for me I know deep down what I really want is to eventually start a family and have someone to share memories with. I think that’s why being single still bothers me sometimes because it feels like I’m not moving closer to what I value most in life, family.

        1. But dw im sure you’ll get a nice one anytime soon because you’re able to do Retarded peacock pose! (Sometimes) I never even knew about this pose! Wow!

  4. Hey! You are free diving Haenyeo! : – )

    That footage of the turtle is really good. I like the way you are confidently descending into the depths. Yoga must have helped with your breath control

  5. If I might make an observation about the photo of you diving toward the turtle. In the context of this blog, ie, the unfolding contents of your mind, it is like you are swimming through the sea of your consciousness.

    On another level the humble turtle becomes an object of fascination. It shows a very human curiosity and engagement with the world – what it is to be human in short..

  6. Your go-pro work in your latest instagram post is great. The angles and the cutting. The confidence with which you descend quite deeply. The quick equalisation of the ears. The spirit of the Haenyeo must be in many Korean girls

  7. Free diving is too dangerous.. It made it onto a list in New Scientist along with free soloing climbing (without ropes.) It is like skydiving without a parachute and someone has to pass you one on the way down. Do they have a back up with an airtank monitoring you? I don’t see the point of it. Sure, the resolve and guts it takes to accomplish it say good things about your character but ultimately it is a pointless overly dangerous activity. There are much better safe ways of being fit.

    1. Diving to 25m and enjoying it in this manner is miles away from competition free diving where monitoring is required.

      1. She doesn’t do it to 25m she does it to 30m. 100 foot down! If you miscalculate a little bit and black out, that’s it if there is no-one supervising. And even if there is someone supervising you can ingest a lot of water getting back to the surface.

        I’ll look up those yourtube divers and learn more.

    2. There’s more possibility to get STDs or diabetes type2 than B.O while freediving for me i feel 😌 go youtube watch freediving world champions, they hold their breath longer than 10minutes sometimes and i can only do 3minutes, we all love self sabotage and though dw i don’t kill myself yet

      1. Who says we all love self-sabotage? I don’t think anyone could love it, even those that think they practice it. I think it is more of an artist conceit, a way of making you feel different to the norm. eg.a tortured artist. Forget the cliche,There are better more positive ways to do that.

        If you’ve got the guts to descend to 100 feet on one breath – and return – then you’ve got the guts to accomplish a lot of other things too. I concede that such extreme acts must make you feel alive more than possibly anything else does/ But if you want to really excell at free diving imagine how you would go with clean lungs and not filthy, poisoned ones..

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