L’heure entre chien et loup

Getting into relationship is exchanging each other’s universe. I want someone who has his own universe, so I can explore his big, and different cosmos. Some people just don’t have their own. I often think whether my world is interesting to travel or NAH from his point view…

Over the years, I became less hyped person. I easily got excited by anything, anyone very often and now I don’t even surprise even though Romi broke her ribs by accident, I’d just say

“well.. yeah”

Is it because my life has become more predictable? I mean.. now I have something to do everyday, I sleep regularly, sex regularly, eat regularly, everything is regulated. I’m living like normal people. Getting paid same amount of money every week, I know what I can, and can not, I know how many people I can be close to, I know where I can go, I know what I can buy if I save up certain amount of money for certain time, I know how much I weight if I don’t eat for a few days, I can skip a few meals if I think I’m like FAT. Everything comes to estimate-able number, I can calculate it based on my life experience. Being bit more harsh, I can see my whole life to death if nothing is changed. That’s fucked. Even though most of people happy with this kind of life span, it’s brutal if you can predict end of your life from this young age. I don’t want it to come too quick. I want surprise, I want to get excited when I just wake up sometimes.. These days, I wake up, and think

“well.. yeah”

Over the years, arguing “right and wrong” is so overrated, I mean… I’m doubting every time when I have to choose between this and that, there seems no middle. Sink or swim , all or nothing.. Being vague became such uncool thing, having your strong voice and arguing with opponent is happening everywhere from some point. You need to vote between yes or no, choose between this girl and that girl, We even categorise people by star sign or blood type and it seems save some of your energy and time, because we have only certain type of people, if someone doesn’t fit in any category, call them weirdo and treat them differently. Diversity does not exist any more even though population has been growing up by geometric progression. There must be more weirdo than before, so they made up some diseases such as ADHD, BPD, Peter Pan syndrome etc instead of respecting more about severalty. 

Because it’s now 100 years old generation, my 20’s agony will become 30’s, 40’s and 50’s. I’ll always worry about my opaque identity, will always fluster between reality and ideal, will be indecisive over two opinions. Well it’s life obstacle when I go Coles and stand in front of ice cream section… should I get ben and jerry’s or snickers… or maybe sugar free because I’m on diet?

L’heure entre chien et loup, The hour between dog and wolf, or the time between dog and wolf. In the time of dusky dawn, or evenfall, unclear silhouette is approaching here and you are unsure it’s whether your be loved dog or wolf that will harm you for sure. the ambiguous moment that is hard to distinct between friend and enemy, the equivocal moment that is hard to distinct between right and wrong.. what to do? what should I do if the 개와 늑대의 시간 comes to me? ㅎㅎㅎ